And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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