fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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