Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Shame is for Republicans.
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