My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's official drugs can't kill me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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