Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
