I CAN MOONWALK!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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