So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
