Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
