u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think my moral compass just broke
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
