Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
