Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
