you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I stole a fireplace last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
