please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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