it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
