laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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