I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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