My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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