i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My penis needs a shock collar
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
