I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
