They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
