OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
