pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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