Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
