It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
