fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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