cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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