Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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