I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
