I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
