i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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