There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
