there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
