is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize