My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
