He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
