You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
