Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
