I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
