here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize