Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
