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Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
