when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
