break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
