Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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