How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
