just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
