do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Operation Purity has been aborted
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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