Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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