I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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