the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
