i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i now understand why vodka
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
