worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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