Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
