Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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