Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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