OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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