I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
