I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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