Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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