I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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