i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize