no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
