You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize