In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize