I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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