Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
