can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
