yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
