You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
