i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
