My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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